LOVE IS CONDITIONAL

Valentine’s day is around the corner and social media has a way of keeping it in my eyes. Today while on a long drive, i asked myself several questions about love and they all led to the same answer: Love is conditional. i’ll tell you why and how.

The 5 love languages; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch are all based on how entirely conditional love is. They are your expectations of your significant other. And should they fail to love you in exactly that language (condition), then you start to feel less loved. The reverse is true. You know how we say we have a type? Being into people of a particular body size, shape, height, colour etc. The way you define your type that you’re attarcted to, is subconsciously how you make it conditional. She must be a certain height……..

Forget love for a moment and think of the simple liking of someone. we are always drawn to like people that smile better, dress in a particular way, hold certain conversations, tv presenters of our best shows, and yea, we hella love rich and famous people. We have a deep loving for them even when they don’t know about our existance. It’s simple, the things these people do, or their mere appearance evokes certain things in us. It will always be happy hormones: call it a mental orgasm. It’s rare that you will meet a nobody who doesn’t posses any of your desired characteristics and have you fanatsising about them. Their mere “exciting” qualities become a condition that excites you about them. If they gave you a chance to go for a cup of coffee, it’s obvious the love will blossom sooner than later untill you find out a bad habit about them and then your liking for them will go down. Their negative condition supercedes their good condition in your mental and yea, we all hate negatives. Someone recently tweeted that a crush is just a lack of information. Tell me about that.

Last year around January, the twitter Ugandan timelines broke with very beautiful pictures of a lavish couple . They had a modern day expensive wedding and introduction ceremonies. The woman fronts money in all her tweets and i can’t blame her. In my opinion , her condition for this man is money. And it’s through the different gifts and lifestyle that he gives her that sustains her love for him. Months after their wedding, while listening to a twitter space about relationships and family, this same man was called on to give his opinion about love and marriage. In his words, he said Love is more about the expectations your partner hopes you to fulfil. It’s monetary and it’s conditional. For me that was it. And i completely understood why he does what he does for his wife. He has to keep her. You will say women like men for their money, and i will say men like women for their bodies. This statement doesn’t necessarily mean those are the only qualities people look out for, but they seem to serve the fanatsy for both of them. I can’t remember asking for money or transport or airtime or anything from a boyfriend, but i also can’t remember a day i ever dated a broke man. Unless i didn’t know they were broke. I’m not a golddigger, and i love deeply, quickly and intensely. But you have to have money. That’s one of my conditions because subconsiously and consciously, i have appreciated how money will affect me , us, our kids, our home and our entire future together. But again, Money alone is not enough.

In my opinion, love is more about what the other person evokes in you. And for all long as they can creatively sustain that, sustain the dopamine surges and make you feel completely vulnerable and comfortable with them, then you will love them forever. And i think it’s important to tell our partners what we love about them, and that way, they would know what strings to tighten in case things are going south. Actually, now i feel like i somehow understand how online dating works, pure psychology. Because love is something we all naturally crave for.

Valentine’s is coming. Send him/her flowers and chocolate and wine or just spend time together because love is conditional and this could be just the spark that evokes or sustains this love. I know, gabage pits will be filled with flowers on 15th, and flowers can’t be eaten, but they could be just the twist you need . Ever wondered why people invest in romantic lavish dinners?

Happy loving. Chao!