I used to Love!

I used to love
I used to love so hard that every lover felt like he was the last one.
Day by day I tried to make it work.
Red flag after Red flag and I wonder if I were color blind then.

I used to love so hard that I relieved the traces of past relationships in new ones but still didn’t learn from it because more than thinking about my happiness, I thought I needed to be with someone. At least i was made to believe so.
Even when it cost my Sanity.

I used to love,
That what I felt within me didn’t matter what the other party felt.
I gave the best relationship advice to folks because I got the words, I reasoned out their mess, but somehow the speck in mine was unseen. Maybe i was love blind.

But the brain goes bananas when it’s your relationship.
Naivety and Stupidity come romancing you when he says he’s sorry.
Suddenly your friend’s advise doesn’t matter, suddenly you forget he’s hitting on girls you know. He’s a king and somehow you think everyone wants to be his Queen.
it’s a week to his wedding but he’s knocking at your door saying he wishes he could marry you both .

I Used to love,
So hard that it milked the youth out of me,
And here I am contemplating my 2 last talking stages and wondering if I should spare them and preserve them in the most private and guarded places on the planet.
Or rather should I let this consume me once and for all.
From once diving in so fast to now being so scared to even try because….
Well because many people have taken a part of me and I no longer want pieces of me scattered across the globe.

I used to love. I still want to love. I just don’t know how!